So this morning I woke up feeling tangled by all the loose ends in my life.
For the six weeks I've been dealing with the fallout of breast cancer treatment. Scar tissue, discomfort, disfigurement, mammograms, biopsies, lumpectomy, and waiting. Happily, the result just came back negative so my relief at not having to start the whole process over is overwhelming. It's funny how one can react to good news in strange ways. For me, I held in all my anxiety about results and let it blow in a gargantuan Tazmanian devil outburst on the night of my daughter's 15th birthday.
I was lucky enough to have scheduled a coffee with a friend who shared the sentiment this morning. She had endured a much worse, two-year near-death ordeal to treat blood cancer and who is still managing her health years later. We ended up talking for 2 hours, sharing stories of the difficulty of coping with cancer treatment, faith, and life--for parents, children, families and friends. I left feeling lighter, and rejuvenated, and actually understanding myself better. I forgave myself for my outburst---understanding that as embarrassing as it was, it was not mental illness or lack of discipline, but a release of anger and worry that had been pent up these past 6 weeks. Now if I can redirect that energy to working out, my family and I may be a lot better off!
I am grateful for friendship that help shed light on my life, that encourage me, and make me a better person.
Since our walk, I've been attending to the many loose ends with renewed energy.
One loose end at a time.
It's okay if only one item on my agenda gets ticked off each day...as long as I also attend to a personal item, a spiritual item, a family item, and a business item.